State of the Goonion – June 19 2022


Header art by Major Sniper

18 months after the last address, given just ahead of the battles of M2-XFE, a State of the Goonion (SOTG) was held on June 19 at 1800 UTC. What follows below is the text of the speech given by The Mittani.

Welcome everyone. Before we get started, I’d like to offer congratulations to our CSMs and all who voted as we asked you to. Unity and discipline are two of the things which make the Imperium function; while in the past several weeks I have asked you to act in unity to vote, today I will be asking you to act in unity for war – war and the defense of our glorious space empire, which has yet again come under attack by the coalition of slumlords, renters, and bootlicking pubbies we call Papi. Today’s speech will be short and to the point, for today we call the banners for war, a war which is right on our doorstep.

Less than three hours ago, almost 2000 Papis assembled and destroyed an Imperium Keepstar in 68FT in Impass. FIRE has allowed Horde and Panfam to stage in their space to continually harass our borders. Since the Beeitnam war ended, the enemy has made it clear that they will not respect our borders or our territory; the enemy feels us weak, and that they expect the game of Eve Online to be one of continual, reliable aggression against an Imperium on permanent defensive.

Almost exactly two years ago, in June of 2020, 152k pubbies blued each other to create the largest blue donut in the history of Eve Online and online gaming itself – 103 alliances blue – and spent next 18 months attacking the Imperium only to fail in utter humiliation, their hopes dashed at the gates of 1DQ1, despite having a 3-1 advantage in numbers against us.

Since the end of the war, FIRE, a proud Papi member, began offensives against our allies in Esoteria and invited all of the remaining Papi coalition alliances to stage in FIRE space to attack the Imperium.

But this time is different, and we are wise to their ways. It is not acceptable to the Imperium that FIRE allow Horde and the rest of the Papis to deploy in FIRE space to continually attack us. Because of this aggression, we deployed the GEF with our allies The Initiative, and spent two months torching Feythabolis, Omist and half of Tenerifis. After deep-dicking the Papi staging system of 46-DP, lancing Papi fleets in their staging system, we thought that the enemy would get the message and left for home. 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, FIRE did not get the message. They have decided that they beat the Imperium and the other Papis have stepped up their involvement in attacking our eastern flank. Now Fraternity has begun assaulting Imperium member Dracarys in Catch and Impass, and it is time to act. 

Things are different than they were two years ago. The Papi blob is massing on our border, but instead of allowing them to gain momentum, we will be deploying the entire Imperium for war for the first time since 2019. We will take the fight to the enemy before they reach our core territory, and we will engage in merciless and relentless spaceship violence until such a time that FIRE stops allowing Papi forces to stage in FIRE space to attack the Imperium. 

So who turned up to 68FT to destroy our Keepstar? 

  • 900 Horde
  • 177 NCdot
  • 115 XIX
  • 113 PL
  • 74 FRT
  • 71 SLYCE

And the usual long tail of pubbie garbage making up the rest of Papi, including 30 TEST and 46 Razor

The destruction of an Imperium Keepstar – even if it was an outlying Keep purchased from Red Alliance for 70b isk – is a red line which the enemy has defiantly crossed. They expect no consequences; they expect no retribution, and they expect us to sit on our asses and take it. 

They are wrong. 

The entirety of the Imperium will now mobilize for war, and we will prosecute this war until such a time that FIRE agrees to stop hosting Papis on our border. We want to establish a buffer zone between us and the Papi Renter Regions to prevent attacks like this in the future. Our war goals are reasonable and limited, because unlike the Papis we are fighting, we don’t declare wars of extermination and clap along with them for 18 months while huddling together like the cowards and hypocrites that they are. 

It has been years since we deployed the entire Imperium offensively as a coalition; many Papis have only seen us on the defensive and have never witnessed the consequences of antagonizing us. It is our task and our purpose to deliver stark consequences and reinforce the border of our Imperium. Until such a time as FIRE agrees to stop hosting Papis in their space, we will punish them, and destroy all Papis in our border zone. We are reasonable and willing to make and stick to treaty obligations, but this is the time to demonstrate the other aspect of our nature: to be the best possible friend, and the worst possible enemy. 

When we deployed the Imperium to scour Tribute clean in 2019, NCdot ran to the drone regions, and when we were done glassing that region we left – because the region was meaningless to us. After we left, Tribute became one of the most interesting regions in the game for a time, as small alliances had an opportunity to put down roots in a region wiped clean of landlordism. By contrast, when we left Feythabolis, Omist and Tenerifis in the aftermath of our GEF deployment, immediately Horde and NCdot moved in and began attempting to rent the space out. This may sound like a comical exaggeration, but it is actually the case; Look to GPUS-A on the map of Feythabolis, where you will find that NCdot is unironically trying to establish yet another space slum. The hard truth is that the Papis are fundamentally and compulsively a collection of would-be Slumlords and their followers are serfs, renters, and bootlickers – either they are in denial about their circumstances and role, or some have simply accepted their constant humiliation and also-ran status and folded themselves into the undifferentiated mass of Papis. 

We are not anything like Papi, nor have we ever been. Our organizations are focused on fundamentally different goals, starting with the fact that we actually give a shit about our people.

What makes the Imperium different is that we play every aspect of Eve Online, and focus our efforts on two grand enterprises: building the greatest and most interesting space empire in the history of the internet, and taking that great Imperium we have together created and taking it on the warpath without apology and without mercy. War is a force that gives us meaning; instead of whining about being blobbed and crying about killboards, we focus on the strategic objectives and the doom of our foes, regardless of what it takes to get the job done. Unlike the paper-skinned Papis, we are always ready to fuck. We fight for each other, we fight united, and we work towards the betterment of both our line and the game as a whole, rather than desperately trying to find more tenants, bootlickers and serfs for the Papi slumlord masters.

And so, we go to war.

We will be deploying the full might of the Imperium to our Keepstar in GE-8JV on the border to Impass and through to Tenerifis. Every alliance, every capital and supercapital and Titan will be coming along. There are 2000 Papis on our border attacking our coalition, and we will respond accordingly – with relentless dedication to the defense and betterment of our people, our empire, and our tribe – and, of course, to the doom of any foes who would do them harm. 

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  • Brian Martin


    June 19, 2022 at 6:39 PM
  • un wicht

    I like how TEST numbers are not even given or relevant 😀

    June 19, 2022 at 9:27 PM
    • Romulus Loches un wicht

      TEST was next, they just died quietly so no one took notice.

      June 20, 2022 at 5:04 PM
    • Ange Amarov un wicht

      The funny part is that they now have less than several thousand members despite allegedly being the sixth largest by population, so yeah their numbers are irrelevant

      June 24, 2022 at 12:55 PM
  • Garreth Vlox

    This should be interesting to watch, I wonder if papi can manage anything even close to the constantly damaging resistance the imperium mounted for almost a year and a half.

    June 19, 2022 at 11:58 PM
    • kwnyupstate . Garreth Vlox

      Bahahaha. PAPI can’t come close.

      June 20, 2022 at 4:17 PM
      • un wicht kwnyupstate .

        At this point it’s less about whether they can or whether they even try.

        June 22, 2022 at 11:02 AM
  • Novartis

    Finally, a new juice and fuel

    June 20, 2022 at 3:12 PM
  • Xa1n

    So the last war for Goons has begun.

    June 25, 2022 at 7:18 AM
  • Deni'z von Meanace

    more than a week left since war declared any updates so far?

    June 28, 2022 at 3:53 AM
  • Tyler Shepherd

    I can’t control my excitement. I must tell you, this cartoon website is very attractive! He only offers what you like. That’s how I forgave you!→

    August 22, 2022 at 5:53 AM
  • Chaotic Weevil

    Please if our FL will be like this
    I will drop this
    WTF did she drink something that she is this stupid
    She is really stupid and dumb
    My God
    I thought FL will recover and find that these 2 are fooling her but here FL is like so innocent and dumb
    Where is our previous FL
    Please bring her back

    November 23, 2022 at 3:15 PM
  • Zalgo

    Tsk did you think you can use Fl to let that bish daughter of urs go back to house!? Heh!! Pathetic Fl is not as weak as the og one

    November 23, 2022 at 6:55 PM
  • c10k

    Dude updatee

    November 24, 2022 at 2:51 AM