No Retreat, No Surrender


Art by Major Sniper

The Mittani (PBUH) tightened the great shieldwall of the Imperium last weekend in a rousing fireside speech that announced his intentions for the next stage in the war. Like Leonidas at Thermopylae, but with better abs, he declared, “There is no universe where the Imperium retreats from Delve, ever, EVER!”

As PassPi (some caps, all pass) failed to assault a reinforced iHub in the 1DQ constellation recently, pilots from the Imperium formed for another show of force around their capitol. “Our job is to hold the fucking line, hold the fucking pigeon in M2,” The Mittani reiterated. “The enemy is going around blowing up citadels…it is our turn to make those sacrifices, like our allies did in Fountain.”

The Mittani joins the 1DQ/T5Z gatecamp (colourised)

Legacy is burning the fuck down…

Giving loud applause to Goonswarms allies, The Mittani highlighted all of the regions of Legacy space that are actively being torched by The Initiative, The Bastion, Stain Rus and Deepwater Hooligans. “Those guys that started the war, who were in the trenches taking incoming fire, those motherfuckers are now on a rampage! They’re on a rampage in Catch, they’re on a rampage in Esoteria. Immensea is basically torched.”

His speech was a combination of Winston Churchill’s famous “we will fight them on the beaches” address and the moment when Rocket and Groot announce themselves to the prison in Guardians of the Galaxy. It could only strengthen the resolve of the thousands of already determined Goonswarm pilots set on defending 1DQ with every asset they have.

“You wana get to 1DQ? You gotta go through us, or more accurately: WE GO THROUGH YOU!”

The Real, Real Fortress Delve

Enemies of the Imperium have often mocked the shifting land of “Real Delve,” but following The Mittani’s call to arms there can be no illusion. Real Fortress Delve is 1DQ-1A. It’s an iHub that sits within 300km of a Fortizar, and it’s the equivalent of poking a bee hive with a stick then having to stand there whilst the whole swarm comes after you. It’s carrier groups skynetting any entosis ship. It’s a gate that’s bubbled and camped 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s five Keepstars all within range of each other, supported by 15 ‘Prometheus’ and 10 ‘Draccous’ Faction Fortizars.

This fortress will not be breached by a Trojan Horse or a lucky ‘Hail Mary.’ The only way into the constellation is on a river of blood and destruction. “Legacy is heading into the woodchipper and that gives me great confidence about our position” says The Mittani. “fuck those pubbies.”

“Die Pubbie Scum!” – Soldiers of the Imperium defend their homeland against the Orcs. Fun Fact: Orcs are mushrooms. Fun Fact 2: Papi line members are treated like mushrooms: Fed shit and kept in the dark

All this is bolstered by the Imperium’s strongest assets: its pilots. The Mittani had one final message for them:

Dig the fuck in and ask for more, dig the fuck in and ask everyone to fight harder. To get it done. If that means at the end of the day that everything is fucking torched, everything we have is glassed, at least we fucking did everything. There is no universe in which I am going to say, ‘Oh it is too hard so we’re going to give up.’ I am going to hold us in this fucking fire, and we are going to kill these fucking pubbies and win this fucking war. Be a part of that.

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  • Moomin Amatin

    The position of The Imperium seems to be remarkably similar to what it was at the start of this war. The Imperium knows that it will lose a lot but as long as it can extract some materiel from PAPI it does not seem to care. Goons still hold 1DQ despite the massive blue donut assembled against them for almost a year. History is being written.

    March 5, 2021 at 7:45 AM
    • Havish Montak Moomin Amatin

      I stand with you my dear!!!

      March 5, 2021 at 3:59 PM
      • Moomin Amatin Havish Montak

        And I with you <3.

        March 5, 2021 at 9:11 PM
  • EVE Player #27482716

    Groot ftw

    March 5, 2021 at 12:42 PM
  • Guilford Australis

    PAPI’s lickspittle Reddit crew likes to appeal to “cultural difference” as the primary reason they think they’re better than The Imperium. Well there certainly are cultural differences. Let’s step through a few of them.

    Unlike PanFam, which fled like a kicked puppy to Malpais when The Imperium invaded Tribute, we haven’t gone anywhere and aren’t going anywhere even faced with their cowardly “literally all of EVE” coalition. PAPI has left 130+ titans trapped in M2- for two months and papers over their cowardice by claiming those accounts are all just alts and oh look at this Fortizar we killed while the Imperium babysat our titans in M2! Imperium titan pilots would log those things in even if it meant certain death and fight to the bitter end.

    TEST claimed at the beginning of the war that The Imperium would shed alliances because Goonswarm supposedly doesn’t take care of them. Turns out TEST is the alliance that doesn’t take care of its coalition and is jettisoning alliances – to The Imperium.

    Yes, those certainly are “cultural differences.”

    I’ve been a Goon for a several years, but I didn’t fully understand what pubbie culture is until I fought PAPI. Now I know.

    March 5, 2021 at 1:31 PM
    • As someone who left null around 2014 cause politics are a hassle I still see daily how pubbie EVE can get elsewhere in space.

      March 6, 2021 at 1:09 AM
  • There’s little dishonor in declining a fight when an opponent brings 2-3x your numbers: that’s just good sense. That said, when it’s PAPI specifically doing this, it’s just really funny to fight back and watch them hem and haw and ping for more HAC fleets every time an objective comes around.

    The difference between the sides is that a lot of Goons actually enjoy playing the game EVE Online and fighting in spaceships, where the PAPI side seem to enjoy exclusively 1) doing sick burns on Reddit and 2) risk-free killboard stat farming so they can support their Reddit posting with material evidence of their immense EVE skills.

    Literally every time the mere possibility of defeat is presented to PAPI, their entitled, soft little boys huddle on tether and decide discretion is the better part of valor. But give them an opportunity to field three full HAC fleets plus a Skybreaker gatecamp detachment for a single ihub fight against a SIG with 25 active dudes in it and the PAPI boys are all about it— they’ll max-form, take those ihub nodes, and whine in local all goddamn morning about how Goons are cowards who only know how to sit on tether.

    PAPI are an absolute disgrace. It’s mind-boggling that anyone is continuing to support them, especially in light of the fact that most of the alliances involved aren’t seeing any substantial reward for their thousands of man-hours. I suppose it speaks to the general disgusting risk-refusal of your average nullsec player that all these hangers-on would rather donate a year of their labor (to fucking TEST of all people) than risk pursuing an agenda of their own in which they might not be successful. Pathetic. The only thing more pathetic? Guess what, idiots: you might fail as part of your mega-coalition too. Jesus fucking Christ…

    March 5, 2021 at 6:54 PM
    • Carvj94 Ganthrithor

      I can’t imagine how supremely bored PAPI members must be at this point compared to last year. They essentially havta stay local with roams and catch fu*k all in the surrounding regions that are practically deserted nowadays. Can’t really fight in Delve without a big fleet so that mostly off the table if you don’t wanna just suck and die. Only option for most is to use a lightly used combat alt that probably doesn’t have ideal skills and hope for the best. It’s incredible how long their all hands deployment has lasted without an uproar from annoyed members.

      March 6, 2021 at 1:22 AM
  • Carvj94

    ““Die Pubbie Scum!” – Soldiers of the Imperium defend their homeland against the Orcs. Fun Fact: Orcs are mushrooms. Fun Fact 2: Papi line members are treated like mushrooms: Fed shit and kept in the dark”

    In case anybody missed the caption on the last photo.

    March 6, 2021 at 1:05 AM
  • Cpt Soban

    This article aged like milk

    March 7, 2021 at 12:04 AM
    • Moomin Amatin Cpt Soban

      I think it has done wonderfully when compared to “for us, this is a war of extermination” or “we are pre-staged in M2-X” or “we will hold all our space in the south” or “we are poised to kill 10 keepstars in the next week or so”.

      March 7, 2021 at 8:52 AM
    • Garreth Vlox Cpt Soban

      You mean you guys finally attacked and took down the 1dq1 keepstars?
      *checks dotlan and zkill for 1dq1 structure mails*
      Nope you didn’t, still talking shit on reddit and trying to avoid getting hit in eve.

      March 8, 2021 at 11:01 AM
  • Garreth Vlox

    Hey what happened to you guys could break out anytime you wanted? Oh that’s right you fed 400+ dreads when you tried and then decided it wasn’t worth fighting over.

    March 8, 2021 at 11:02 AM