Diplomatic Update ~Summer 2015~
The Imperium: A Fortress in the North
The Imperium finds itself in a unique diplomatic position: a superpower in a world where there are no other superpowers. With the complete collapse of N3 and a lack of other unified political will to oppose us, we are able to set the terms for how we will tackle the challenges of a new sov system. We have taken aggressive steps to do so by contracting our borders and increasing density in our systems to glean the advantages that gives us under FozzieSov.
The diplomats and autocrats of our grand Imperium have worked – nay, slaved – for long hours; Several have died of severe emphysema brought on by too much time spent in smoke-filled rooms arguing over ratting rights and moon allocations, busily drawing the map you now see before you. We took a great big sprawling Clusterfuck of a coalition and boiled it down, rendering the fat and the cheeto-stains away until only spare, lean strength remains.
In the wake of this mass upheaval the Imperium has emerged stronger, more unified, and with clear purpose. From this Fortress in the North we will assure the safety of our people, the strength of our industry, and the font of our resolve. From its security we will rain destruction and ruination upon the mewling, pubbie hordes with impunity – and puns.
So where do things stand now? For you, dear reader, we begin gently, with a brief look around the Imperium itself:
Circle-of-Two has experienced tremendous growth over the last year. Their territory has expanded, taking over sections of Tribute that were previously held by GSF, as well as expanding into former PBLRD space in Vale of the Silent. Carbon dioxide is supposed to be good for plants, so perhaps they will make LAWN even more verdant. They have been joined in Tribute by TNT as they have moved out of Deklein in order to centralize regional control.
Executive Outcomes has, after years of enduring the grinding poverty of Cloud Ring (while simultaneously enjoying the great small-to-midsize PVP you get there), begun wallowing whole-hog in the trough of Branch, enjoying great trusec for the first time in years.
Fatal Ascension were valued allies ever since the fall of the old NC in 2011, Fatal Ascension is no longer an entity that exists in EVE, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still recognize and honor their accomplishments and sacrifices while fighting alongside us. At least one of the authors of this update knows from personal experience how difficult the decision to close an alliance can be, and the fact that Luxotor and the rest of FA leadership handled the process with grace and style – rather than exploding in a pustulent burst of drama and forum porn like most alliances do when they die – demands respect. Fatal Ascension was a great alliance and it will not be forgotten.
Our stalwart friends in Fidelas Constans have been leading the way in testing future mechanics. They are currently deployed to Duality (they swear they didn’t mean to double book Burn Amarr!) in order to discern whether Fozzie Sov is less eye-gougingly awful and soul-crushing than Dominion Sov (hint: probably not).
After acquitting themselves admirably in the defense of Fountain and having absorbed Forged of Fire <BLAST>, Get Off My Lawn have settled into their new home in Vale to serve as the defenders of our eastern border. After assuming control of the alliance in December, Thoric Frosthammer, LAWN’s indomitable autocrat, soon cut an attempted coup by the Vulpines off at the knees before they were ready to make their move, resulting in their exile to the suspiciously garden-themed alliance Blades of Grass in Fountain Core.
GoonSwarm Federation still lives in Deklein, having centralized our control over the sovereignty of our beloved homeland. Deklein remains a fountain of hilarious killmails for any wandering group that wishes to prove themselves on the field of e-honoureable spacebattle. We remain a largely helpless group of [:shobon:] newbies with notoriously weak leadership and poor organizational skills, but we still hold out hope that one day we may yet make a memorable mark on New Eden.
Razor opened their hearts and their home as The Initiative. joined them in Tenal; in return, The Initiative opened their wallets, as in a coalition first Razor elected to charge them for clean sheets, continental breakfast, and a “convenience fee”. Razor has occupied the region for a large portion of EVE’s history, but The Initiative’s generosity in agreeing to pay for the sov was unprecedented.
SpaceMonkey’s Alliance completed a successful campaign of sitting on MOA’s chest and beating them everytime they showed any sign of taking advantage of the Imperium’s Delve Deployment; SMA has begun to extend and fortify their space in preparation for their new role as our Western gatekeeper.
For the first time in many years, Tactical Narcotics Team has moved completely out of the warm, snuggly heart of Deklein and ventured boldly into Tribute, the Crossroads of the North. Bounded as it is by close regional connections to Geminate, Vale, the Drone Regions, Venal, Lonetrek lowsec and Pure Blind, wandering gangs and warring invaders almost inevitably pass through Tribute. TNT will have plenty to keep them busy defending this vitally important highway alongside CO2.
The Bastion has remained our other bulwark in Vale and have warmly welcomed the arrival of a green and verdant lawn just outside its moat and an array of adorable yet heavily-armed garden gnome sculptures on the parapets. BASTN leader Carneros is especially excited about having a lawn he doesn’t have to water due to the water rationing that has recently gone into effect in California.
After a productive season of beating the rotting corpse of N3 into an unrecognizable pulp, our nomadic friends The Initiative. have finally taken us up on our offer of space in eastern Tenal. It is with great joy that we welcome our vagabond cousins into the smothering embrace of the northern fraternity.
Now, with our survey concluded, we look past our own borders…
The Drone Lands and the Southeast: Here There Be Dragons (But Not Sort Dragons)
alt: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of xXDEATHXx”
In the North, Geminate residents and Imperium frenemies Legion of xXDeathXx have teamed up with the remnants of Nulli Secunda to fight Vanguard, Red Alliance and Dreamfleet for control of Etherium Reach. Nulli is in a bad state, having lost four out of six members of their alliance leadership team (basically everybody except ProGodLegend and Gorga) to PL and NCDOT in the last few days. Better luck next time, guys, see you in Nulli Tertius.
The Southeast is on fire in the most ridiculous way possible – and yes, this way does involve the Drone Regions. Rather than wait around for FozzieSov, RUS))) have committed to a multifront war against former N3 pets Gentlemen’s.Club <GCLUB> (what is it with these dot names?!) and the proudly dotless Kadeshi, who have occupied the territory formerly held by NCDOT and Nulli Secunda. On the RUS))) side are a resurgent AAA and another Russian alliance called Soviet-Union. Soviet-Union comes from Stainwagon originally, and S-U picked up many new recruits when Stainwagon folden. Cleansed of their Stain at last, S-U has taken this opportunity to pursue a feud against Red Alliance and Dreamfleet while also fighting Kadeshi and GCLUB. Making all of this even more complicated they’re also fighting in the Drone Regions and Geminate against Legion of xXDeathXx and Nulli Secunda and the whole bunch of other, lesser-known idiots.
Sidebar: There is a certain ironic historical parallel for the geopolitics nerds in CD, as Operation Kadesh was the name of an Israeli campaign against Soviet-funded Egyptian forces during the Suez Crisis of 1956. If we can get the Soviet-Union to start fighting a proxy war via an Arabic-speaking alliance, we’ll have a triple play.
In summary, while the galactic west is enjoying a period of relative peace and tranquility, the east is a spectacular free-for-all that once again demonstrates how much you really, really don’t want to get involved in Russian EVE politics.
Delve Triangle: Hey, Pizza Forms A Triangle (Here There Be Sort Dragons)
During the Last Dominion War, we found ourselves with an unlikely ally, Confederation of xXPizzaXx, an alliance originally founded on dank memes, 4chan and a heavily Americanized Italian dish. Pizza, as they are usually called, had been following Black Legion around for months to get in on cool fights and dank memes – they even ran Black Legion IT services for a while – but that relationship soured even as Pizza leadership found increasing common ground with our Skymarshal Blawrf McTaggart and the diplomatic team. The result found Pizza suddenly gifted with one of the richest regions in the game by us as a “thank you” for their capable and effective aid during the Last Dominion War.
Pizza is a very small alliance, too small to hold all of Delve, but they have been hard at work building a mini-coalition of their own, which they like to refer to as the Elite Spaceship Coalition as a joking reference to Elite Space Guild, which I think was their alliance name for a brief time during the years they spent backpacking around various regions “finding themselves”. They have been joined in Delve by EON, which is a primarily German-speaking alliance. This is a bit awkward, because Ev0ke, another German alliance, has also joined the ESC, and EON is pretty good at recruiting their membership out from under them.
That’s not to say that Pizza and ESC have everything their own way. Sort Dragon’s BIG ALLIANCE IN ALL CAPS, DARKNESS. (who have a dot for added emphasis, which perhaps was a shout-out to their original masters, NCDOT) have been actively opposing them along with their coalition, which is called Guardians of the Galaxy. DARKNESS was originally distracted by Reavers, which took and held Querious and kept insisting on winning sov fights against a real alliance despite not actually existing, and was prevented from expanding into Delve by that conflict, while ESC forged an alliance with the bit players in Period Basis. Now it’s Pizza’s Elite Space Coalition versus DARKNESS’ Guardians of the Galaxy, with DARKNESS slowly but steadily winning sov fights through sheer force of numbers. The graphite control rod in this nuclear chain reaction is the threat of Imperium and PL forces popping out of nearby wormholes, as both groups tend to be friendly with Pizza and throw them a hand if there are good fights in the offing. The current outlook is a bit grim for Pizza as they have been tending to lose if fighting alone, but there may yet be hope if their new fittings and triage doctrines pan out.
There is no word yet on whether Pizza will be adding mini-hotdogs to their crust. On the one hand, that would be disgusting, but on the other hand, hungry Goons would turn up in the south again, so maybe it’s a good idea for them after all.
Fountain: “Black Legion Only Hits You Because They Love You!”
After the decision to withdraw from Fountain was made, we sought buyers in order to deny the space to our enemies and secure a route for withdrawing our forces still active in delve. Unfortunately we couldn’t find any so it was offer gratis to HERO coalition who under the brief but enlightened leadership of June Ting took us up on the offer. It was largely transferred without incident though BL immediately started making plays for border constellations.
Since June Ting stepped down HERO has lost vast swathes of space and moons, but had wisely chosen to stage their assets out of NPC fountain to avoid a repeat of Catch. They are currently riding bikes on Duality and waiting for FozzieSov to “make BL’s super cap blob irrelevant”. Lychton, the frequently deposed leader of Brave Newbies, recently gave a… I can’t really call it a SOTA in all honesty. It was really more the sort of thing you hear in a dive bar at two in the afternoon as you listen to a lonely derelict explain his opinions on geopolitics to a disinterested bartender. But heardently defended the critical importance of having there be an in-game module with Brave’s name on it, as it is apparently more vital to Brave’s future than sorting out its internal organizational issues.
Meanwhile, BL is consolidating their hold on northern Fountain, sucking up any moon goo they can get their hands on, installing renters, throwing up production towers, and in general systematically refilling their coffers for their next murder spree. Raknor Bile has proven to be an excellent leader for Black Legion, making good strategic choices and being surprisingly easy to work with. He has brought order to his often fractious alliance.
Flyover Regions: Cloud Ring, Syndicate, Outer Ring (Here There Be Chikuns)
Since our last update, the level of hostile activity in these regions has dropped considerably. Ev0ke. was the source of much of the “grr goons” sentiment in the area, and the main repository of organized resistance. With them throwing in with N3 in the trailing edge of the Final Dominion War, not to mention the CFC dropping most of its interest in Cloud Ring bar a few crucial jump bridge systems, there hasn’t been much activity crossing our diplomatic desk in the Flyover Regions.
However, it is worth noting that former GSF corporation Black Omega Security is having a bit of a midlife crisis. Having lost their leader, Suas, to inactivity, they got fat and slow, losing an endless stream of ratting carriers in Deklein. Because we impugned their flaccid manhood by kicking them, they have moved back to the town where they went to high school (Goooo Poitots!) and have reformed their old Ford Granada of an alliance, The OSS. Older players may be surprised to find that flying through FD-MLJ will once again get you killed as a result, but that’s really the only change you’ll see there.
Also worthy of note is the fact that I Whip My Slaves Back And Forth <J4LP> (the alliance with that chicken thing) purchased Cloud Ring from EXE when they left and now hold the bulk of the region. It will be interesting to see how long a 500-man alliance can hold the region in the post-FozzieSov era.
W-Space: “Holesquad: Thera and Back Again, An Autist’s Tale”
With CCPs recent changes to travel speed and power projections, understanding and locating wormholes has become increasingly important to the Imperium’s strategic operations. They represent at once an opportunity to sow pain and confusion among our enemies, and a threat to our industrial heartlands.
Thankfully, the proud pioneers of Holesquad have taken it upon themselves to eek out a hard (if lucrative) life in this chaotic realm. Their trials, failures, evictions, and victories have shown that goons can live and even flourish beyond the comfortable borders of Null Space.
Simultaneously, Reavers, (Asher’s non-existent SIG of space psychopaths) have proved the utility of wormhole logistics in inflicting pain and misery upon our enemies. Asher and the Reavers have been spilling out of wormholes throughout the Delve Triangle to aid Pizza, like spicy pepper sprinkled on a pie with too many dank memetic anchovies.
Finally, recent joint operations by Top Goon and Space Violence, currently staged out of Thera, are teaching tomorrow’s fleet commanders the skills and knowledge necessary to utilize this latest dimension in fleet warfare. Thera is useful as a roaming base of operations negating the need to redeploy; It becomes easy to access new regions of nullsec and new fights on a daily basis, and what’s not to love about that?
Provibloc: “All Hail Emperor Maximilian Singularity VI, First Of His Name!”
Provi. Provi never changes. Not since the days of Ushra’khan has anyone threatened CVA’s dominion over the region. But that… will change. The true Great Reclaiming is inevitable, called forth by the rise of our Emperor and driven by might of the Imperium. Gird your loins and prepare for sov warfare, come FozzieSov. That sure is a lot of stations.
We are on the verge of a political singularity event in New Eden. The planning horizon extends to FozzieSov and our training-wheels war on Providence; beyond that, no one knows exactly what will happen. But with change comes churn, and with churn comes war, and with war comes political shenanigans. This is a fine time for an aspiring space diplomat to get up to speed on the zeitgeist of New Eden and start contributing to the management of the Imperium and our relationship with alliances of varying degree of hostility. Corps Diplomatique will soon be recruiting; look for a post on that subject in the next few days. Until then, meditate upon the unofficial motto of the United Nations: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they take flack from both sides.”
Editor’s Note: The above was authored by Goonswarm Federation’s Corps Diplomatique and is posted for the entertainment of all. CEO, Alliance, and Diplomatic updates are best understood as works of propaganda geared for internal consumption. The views expressed here in no way reflect those of TMC.