Fake SotC for PanFam

Moomin Amatin 2019-05-19

Header art by Redline XIII

I was bored while I watched PanFam unanchoring structures in Tribute and decided to kill some time by making a fake State of the Coalition. It was a perfect storm of boredom and an insatiable luv2post. Now it’s really important to note that this is legit all made up, contrary to some beliefs I have absolutely no insight into how you guys operate on a day to day basis. It’s just an outside view of your flaws, your strengths, and your potential.

This is not coup attempt number twelve. I simply figured it may be interesting to some of you to see how others see you. If you see me as some guy trying to “out meta” you (whatever that means) then just please stop reading right now it’s gonna make you mad.

Have fun, and remember this is just4fun, any truth is purely accident/speculation. (Also it hasn’t been proofed so don’t hang me for grammar mistakes)

PanFam for Life

The last few months have seen an abundance of two things: news about Eve online, and space drama. Now is as good a time as any to talk about both. PanFam have seen corporations and characters come and go in recent times. More so than we have seen in the past. Old reliable faces have left and new and untested faces have appeared in their stead. There have been countless instances of people throwing around buzzwords like “narrative”, “meta”, “renting”, “botting” and others. I can understand how people can see this and say DOOM AND GLOOM, but that is not the case at all. It’s time we remind ourselves of who we are and what we stand for.

PanFam is more than a Coalition renting out and controlling over a dozen regions in New Eden. PanFam is an idea. We play the game first and foremost to transform the learning curve of Eve from a slip’n’slide to a noose. We play to have fun! Not everyone’s type of fun, but our type of fun. Nothing feels better than being able to step on the throats of weaker opponents. Punching down is something that we have done for years and it has rewarded our leadership greatly. We are playing Game of Thrones here. Where we intend to continue the dynasty of BoB and bend all of nullsec to our will. Deceit and misdirection have proven to be all too valuable to us and these are the values at our core.

On that note, let’s chat about some of those buzzwords. The conventional way that Eve alliances fight wars is to first craft a narrative in order to motivate members to log in, and then strategically decide which timers to show up for. We’re not conventional, and we’re not fighting that war. Rather than take a real fight and risk the super awesome efficiency of our killboards we will do something else. We will evacuate everything from where we think we will be attacked, with the hope that our spy network is right.

People refer to us as a failing super power that has lost every notable capital fight since B-R. Let them say whatever they want, who cares? Let them posture and move their little pieces on an imaginary board, we’ll just be over here staying logged out. That way we deny them a win over us. Just like the battle of UALX we will win so hard that we do not need to even log in. Let us run to Reddit and Twitter and loudly proclaim that any who fail to fight our enemies for us are killing Eve. They fell for such things so many times before so there is no reason why they should not fall for it again.

Despite us having the defensive advantage we will offer no defence. Pack it all up and get as much safe as you can. Even though every entity in the game says that attacking under the current sov and cyno jammer systems is truly terrible we will run for cover. We will advance in the opposite direction at the greatest speed we can muster.

While our enemies deploy to our homeland we will attack their heart. We will run riot in Delve killing all who fail to heed the advice of their leadership. Our killboards will be filled with the AFK and stupid. Reams and reams of VNI kills will pad our killboards. It will be a glorious slaughter with which we can proclaim victory over those foolish enough to challenge our eliteness.

Once the current threat has had their fun in burning down all of our remaining structures and return to their krabbing, we will rise again. We will create new rental empires of the likes never seen before. We will fill them with bots. Our leaders will again line their pockets and live the life of luxury they are so accustomed to.

Remember: this is only a game. Some faces will change, the venues may change, but so long as we stay true to our goal of making our leadership richer and killing off any new talent we will always be great.

Be PanFam 7o

Note: This was inspired by notable leader of PanFam, Elise Randolph, from 4 years ago in a post to Brave. And we all know what PL did to Brave for years and years.

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Comments

  • Thund3r

    I hate PanFam.. but really? Do you drink your own kool-aid to?

    May 19, 2019 at 1:31 pm
    • Thund3r Thund3r

      also you obviously know nothing about what it takes to actually take space. And because of the servers, tidi and disconnects its clear the attackers have the advantage.. if you do not know what im talking its further proof that you are just a dumbass

      May 19, 2019 at 1:35 pm
      • Moomin Amatin Thund3r

        Did you notice that this piece was categorised as “humour”?

        Did you also look at the bit at the bottom which says “Note”?

        May 19, 2019 at 1:57 pm
        • Seraph IX Basarab Moomin Amatin

          Don’t see why he’s getting upset. Every Moomin piece is a joke piece.

          May 21, 2019 at 7:02 pm
      • Garreth Vlox Thund3r

        First off this is a joke piece and even disclaims that to start. Second the only time the attacker has the advantage in a TIDI fight under a cyno jammer is if the defender is stupid enough to not deploy to the grid first allowing them to load grid and start killing enemy ships the second they jump in while their client is still loading the grid.

        May 19, 2019 at 7:20 pm
  • Circe

    Meanwhile……in Delve https://zkillboard.com/kill/76813920/

    May 19, 2019 at 6:56 pm
    • Guilford Australis Circe

      Whoa, dude. WHOA. Cancel the war and recall all supers. This changes everything. I’ll inform the 2200 supercapital pilots I flew up north with that the thing is cancelled. It will take us untold seconds… possibly even minutes… to get past this unimaginable setback.

      May 19, 2019 at 7:51 pm
      • Garreth Vlox Guilford Australis

        Please let them think they are winning, maybe their morale will get high enough to fight us for some of the station timers that will be created in teh near future.

        May 20, 2019 at 12:54 am
    • Romulus Loches Circe

      We have preformed the necessary sacrifice and call upon the gods to bless this war! We ask that our foes witness this kill, take heart, and meet us on the grids of battle so we may slaughter them a thousandfold! Hear us oh deities of destruction!

      May 19, 2019 at 9:23 pm
  • Erick Asmock

    OMG OMG OMG! 🙂

    May 19, 2019 at 11:21 pm
  • Patrick Pulfer

    That much salt in one single post 😀

    May 20, 2019 at 9:32 am
  • Circe

    meanwhile ……in Delve https://www.reddit.com/r/Eve/comments/bqkn44/delve_on_fire_day_2/

    May 20, 2019 at 10:44 am
    • Moomin Amatin Circe

      Surely a better link would be to the most recent TiS show. In that show Sort Dragon, leader of Dead Coalition, explained how he was back-stabbed by PanFam leadership. That seems more relevant to this piece does it not?

      May 20, 2019 at 2:10 pm
    • Guilford Australis Circe

      Meanwhile ……. in Circe’s brain …….
      …….
      …….
      …….

      (I’m sure there are synapses in there somewhere. Maybe.)

      May 20, 2019 at 7:03 pm