Cooking with TiDi: Things to Consider


From the fast tackle and dictor pilot to the behemoth super and titan, we all feel the effects of time dilation in EVE: Boredom. Some of us fill that cycle time and target locking with netflix, cleaning, and most enjoyable of all Cooking.

Not everyone has the technical expertise or equipment to cook, or even know where to begin when thinking about how to cook in the short gaps of time between control click and F1 on a new target.

I’m going to give some basic guidelines and recommendations that any Goon or Food eating enthusiast can do even if all you have is a microwave or a full scale kitchen to make something to eat that is enjoyable between cycling guns and listening to your FC complain while you enjoy your freshly-made deliciousness.

Safety Hazards

The first thing you need to assess when you are considering cooking with tidi is how much time do you have in between actions, this will change the kind of safety you have in monitoring food.

If every 2-3 minutes you have to leave the kitchen and take a minute or more to get back, do not use stove or other open unattended flame methods of cooking since it is a fire risk.

If it is going to be a long engagement, where you will may have a full night of sleep before returning to tidi, some other recipes may be more practical for you to consider.

Timing your breaks

Your ability to assess and evaluate your time window is going to be the most important thing to consider.

Let’s take into consideration the recent fight for F4R2:

10% Tidi rendered the fight into segments of about 10-20 minutes between subcap sized targets, upward of 30 or more between capital or supercapital ship targets, and hours of structure shooting.

This gives you a good window of time for all levels and stages of quite a few dishes depending on your target times.

Every one of these opens up new avenues and levels of effort you can put forward in your cooking.

Your Cooking tools

Like the fittings of your ship and the doctrine you are flying in, the tools you have available make all the difference in what you can cook and how.

If you are a simple goon with nothing more than a microwave and at best a toaster, you are in luck, you too can still make some simple and delicious food in a microwave.

If you are an elite kitchen haver from living with your parents or otherwise a home owning adult with a full kitchen there are just more options on how and what you can do with your tidi cooking time.

For each of my time examples and cooking tool levels I will try to give improvement and expansions on how to better utilize your available time and kitchen.

I can think of no better dish to enjoy in the still somewhat cold weather, than Cheese Fondue.

The things you will need

To prepare fondue you need a few things aside from the ingredients depending on your kitchen.

-A Microwave Safe baking dish or fondue pot (make sure it is microwave safe if you do not have a stove)

-A cutting board

-A Serrated or Bread Knife

-Measuring Cups and Spoons

If you have a full kitchen or a way to bake things yourself, you can also make your own bread, I do not recommend using a bread machine for this as it is harder to dip in the cheesy goodness without fondue forks. Otherwise if you prefer a more traditional method or have the time and space to use a fondue pot or double boiler you will need the following.

-Double Boiler or associated fondue pot with that ability

-Fondue Forks


There are several methods to choose from in cheese fondue, but it is important to consider where and how you are going to eat it, like most nerds we tend to prefer something that isn’t going to get our keyboards and mice sticky or otherwise unpleasant to use.

My personal preference comes in the alpine style, white cheese, white wine, garlic, nutmeg, and a nice French loaf sliced for dipping.

-16 ounces of Shredded White cheese (Swiss, Gruyere, or other melty cheese of your choice)

– 3 tablespoons of flour (optional but makes it easier to handle for eating and cleaning)

-1/8th teaspoon of Garlic powder

-a light grating of nutmeg or 1/8th teaspoon of ground White Pepper

-1 measuring cup of dry white wine

-1 Good sized loaf of a French baguette or two smaller French loaves.


First, wash your hands and dry them well. In your microwave safe bowl/dish combine your cheese, flour, and seasonings; just mix it well together with your hands until the flour isn’t clumped on top of itself. Add your wine and mix it in to the mixture quickly, then microwave on high for 7-9 minutes, stir it every 2 minutes to prevent it from bubbling over and to make sure all of the cheese is melted.

After each stir break, you can go check your cycles and swap targets, and start slicing your bread into half a centimeter or 8th of an inch slices to dip into your cheese. I advise transferring portions of your fondue into a more convenient bowl with a plate of your sliced bread coming back to refill it after each cycle or when you need more cheese if you don’t plan on eating the entire thing in one spree of devouring.


If you are extremely lazy you can also get microwave fondue kits from Trader Joe’s or other niche grocery stores.

If you have a more advanced kitchen and tools you can change your preparation in the following way:

Raise your fondue pot’s double boiler to a nice boil, add to the top pot your wine, seasonings, then flour, followed by your cheese, mixing it thoroughly, your cheese should melt quickly, once it is bubbling turn off the heat, and transfer to a stand or safe place. You can use a stand and tea light to keep the pot warm, or just devour it quickly while trying to avoid burning your mouth with boiling hot cheese on your bread.

Using this method it’s advised to cut your bread into bigger cube like chunks and use a fondue fork rather than the hand held slices, so use caution and your best judgement.

You can also dip other things into your fondue, like apple slices, bagels, tortilla chips, you name it.

Clean your shit

After you have finished eating, cycled your guns, and locked new primaries, go wash your stuff and clean up as appropriate. Check your microwave for any splattered cheese and clean up the bread crumbs from slicing.

Make sure you don’t leave your bread knife wet as it may rust if it’s metal.

Hopefully this has been a good treat for you all to read, and if you want more I’ll be glad to post more as a staff writer if it really gains interest.

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  • Ryan

    If only all spies brought delicious advice.

    January 11, 2017 at 9:14 AM
  • Andrew Xadi

    “First, wash your hands and dry them well. In your microwave” i’m bad at reading

    January 11, 2017 at 9:46 AM
    • Terrible Goon Spy Andrew Xadi

      This is why punctuation is key.

      January 11, 2017 at 9:51 AM
  • Andrew Sturgis

    Imperium News: leader in delivering relevant space news and cooking ideas.

    I have always loved fondue. I need to make this next TiDi fight I am in.

    January 11, 2017 at 3:24 PM
  • Cameron Keikira

    I was drafting a similar article, but mine was titled, “Recipes TiDi For.” I got as far as the title.

    January 12, 2017 at 1:03 AM
  • Ganthrithor

    Fondue is a great idea, but it should contain multiple cheeses and probably some kirschwasser as well.

    January 12, 2017 at 11:55 PM
    • Terrible Goon Spy Ganthrithor

      kirschwasser is a different formula, more regional. Gruyere would have been a good add-in option as well.

      January 13, 2017 at 12:03 AM