Art by Cryo Huren


You knew this day would come; you knew that you would be called. Only as a last resort; only when it matters most, when the fate of our tribe and the galaxy itself hangs in the balance. The Horn of Goondor, only to be sounded in our darkest hour, when the enemy is at the gates of Fortress Delve and it is time to win or die.

That time is now. There has never been a bigger defensive war in the history of Eve Online, and we’re going win this thing – or lose every last Titan we own in the process.

150,000 pubbies have surrounded us and declared that their mission is to exterminate Goonswarm and the Imperium from the game itself – the very same campaign Sir Molle and Band of Brothers attempted to prosecute against us in the Great War. For months we have fought them, outnumbered 3-1 against 103 alliances, the largest blue donut in the history of Eve Online – TEST, NCdot, Pandemic Legion, all of them, all at once.

They expected this would be easy. They underestimated us. For months we have held them back from Delve, but now they have moved their supercapitals in range of our home region, and it’s time to throw down. Unlike the Casino War, the enemy does not have infinite isk to rely on; we will not withdraw or retreat from our home. We have spent years preparing for just this moment, and the next month will be one of constant battle at the very highest stakes in online gaming. It will be amazing, and this kind of war won’t come around again for many years. The time to return and fight the good fight is now.

Goondor calls for aid. Will you answer?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~STRATEGIC TILDE RESERVE UNLOCKED~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But wait: Does Eve Online, A Bad Game, Kind of Suck?

Months before this war kicked off, something strange happened. Namely, I started playing Eve Online! In-client. For more than a decade I’ve been a mostly-metagame player, with the hope that eventually Eve would become the game I always hoped it could be. Perhaps because Pearl Abyss acquired CCP and thus there are some adults in the room, perhaps because of blind dumb luck, but for whatever reason after CCP nearly ruined the game in 2019 with such nonsense as the Blackout, the Drifter Invasion, and all that other crap, they actually made the game good! I go on fleets now on the regular and fiddle with a 33-planet PI chain while scheming and plotting. It owns.

The game is probably in the best state it’s ever been for balance and user-friendliness. I’m not going to tell you it’s perfect and wonderful because I want people ready to fight in heavy TiDi against the combined forces of the entire damn game, and that means a bunch of gritty, tough things are gonna happen – but the underlying game itself is in the best state it’s ever been.

I want to help, but I can’t play in-client because of RL etc – what do?

There are a number of ways you can help. Spread the word to your friends so they’re aware that we’re at war and need help; if you have caps/supercapitals/titans logged off in a station in Delve, if you can give those to your buddies who are playing and fighting they’ll get to use your ships in anger even if you cannot. Otherwise you can contract them to your corp directors, or you can contract supers/titans to DJ’s Retirement Fund (the Goonswarm Federation alliance executor corp) and they will be used for the war and reimbursed afterwards. Every ship counts!

If you need help returning, here’s some information to make this easier for you to get into the fight ASAP: https://wiki.goonfle…m/Public:Retvet

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  • Simon Chui

    ~ Is ~ “tilde” ~ the ~ secret ~ code ~ word ~ for ~ “titan” ~ ? ~

    September 9, 2020 at 10:38 AM
    • Rammel Kas Simon Chui

      You’d have to check a keepstar to find out.

      September 9, 2020 at 10:39 PM
  • George Ewing

    You know we’re doing just fine when the Horn of Goondor is blown.

    September 9, 2020 at 2:48 PM
    • William Doe George Ewing

      As a lurker who favors and supports the Imperium over everyone else in this war. What does it mean exactly in regards to the state of the glacially slow progress PAPI has done in the past few weeks?

      September 9, 2020 at 10:13 PM
      • George Ewing William Doe

        It remains glacially slow, so much so that one might even believe that the ‘attackers’ have found it more and more difficult to find their line members at ping times. Or they’ve discovered an entirely new way to win a war without showing up.

        September 10, 2020 at 1:28 PM
      • hanabal William Doe

        Short answer we have more titans and they know it and they afraid to push their caps in cause they gonna get spanked that’s why they taking so long

        September 10, 2020 at 7:06 PM
  • Digital Tectonics

    Cryo Huren, awesome art!

    September 9, 2020 at 4:10 PM
  • Brian Martin

    Hear the horn! Lets join the WAR!

    September 9, 2020 at 5:39 PM
  • Garreth Vlox

    What a shit time to be stuck in the middle of a cross country move, the second I have stable internet I’m there.

    September 9, 2020 at 5:46 PM
  • Toxic Troll

    Interesting. Been waiting for an excuse to shoot stuff again with meaning behind it and not just sov grinding.

    September 9, 2020 at 6:50 PM
  • Mick

    Muster the bittervets!

    September 10, 2020 at 12:59 AM
  • Lykouleon

    Is this the big announcement?

    September 10, 2020 at 5:10 PM
    • DerpFromAbove Lykouleon

      They also seem to have e-mailed any former members too.

      Been in Goonswarm for a very short time 10-ish years ago and a few days ago I got an e-mail stating “goondor has called for aid”.

      It’s the usual “call to arms” stuff, and also asks you to donate your caps/supercaps if you stopped playing. Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen, sorry. I’d much rather hop in Bean stratops and destroy Goonswarm assets for the glory of the Gobfather.

      September 12, 2020 at 11:14 AM
  • Just awesome how desperate you guys are 🙂

    September 10, 2020 at 5:53 PM
    • hanabal 1RonBank

      Just awesome how much confidence you guys have after failing to win on both accounts when we actually tried to defend a keepstar without any caps you have no idea what’s waiting for you in delve little guy I’ve seen it on the test server with my own eyesvjust wait all your titans are gonna get dismantled come on into delve bud

      September 10, 2020 at 6:58 PM
      • top kek… are you 12 or just having a stroke?

        September 10, 2020 at 7:01 PM
        • Guilford Australis 1RonBank

          He’s probably trolling you, and you took the bait like a “top kek” 12-year-old having a stroke, as you put it.

          Good job.

          September 10, 2020 at 8:31 PM
          • Sure…

            Good job.

            September 10, 2020 at 8:48 PM
          • Guilford Australis 1RonBank

            That is the most pathetic surrender I’ve ever gotten from some dumbass in these comments. You disappoint me.

            September 10, 2020 at 8:54 PM
          • You know what they say…the smartest gives up first 🙂
            As for the kid, we need to be carreful, ha has seen things …on the test server …:)))

            September 11, 2020 at 4:38 PM
        • Menaiya 1RonBank

          Any relation to that idiot that bought enough skill injectors to max out a character then never play again?

          September 11, 2020 at 5:14 PM
  • Supervisor

    Would help but y’all kicked me out five years ago for reasons.

    September 11, 2020 at 12:11 PM
  • chimpy

    Goon luck Goons. Eve would be a far less interesting place without you.
    I take heart knowing that in a game famous for the meta, that the Goons are quintessentially a meta group not bound by anything other than the meta itself. Even if your lands and castles were to fall in Eve, it would only be the start of some fiendish new even more hillarious machinations. The Forty Seven Thosand Ronin perhaps?
    One of my fondest internet memories is the storming of the Wintergrasp Maginot Line by Elite Goon Shock Troops.
    Wherever you go, whether the locals love or hate you, they are never bored 🙂

    September 11, 2020 at 1:32 PM