On a Mission from (Pro)God: The Quest for Schroedinger’s Cache

Paramemetic 2019-01-12

Art by Redline XIII.

In this world of cowards, few will answer a true call to adventure. In a game where fights are won before anyone undocks, where risk aversion is king, and where nobody is willing to stand by their principles: one man, one god, one legend stands alone.  I speak, of course, of the progodlegend, who merely hours ago orchestrated the first steps towards a permanent siege of Geminate.  The objective?  Pandemic Horde’s three trillion ISK supercapital cache.

You may think that this is a fool’s errand.  You might think, for example, that if Horde had a three trillion ISK supercapital cache, they would have used it to defend their dying father Pandemic Legion, or their on-again off-again allies in Guardians of the Galaxy.  You may think there would be some kind of galactic indicator that makes this clear.  But you would be wrong.  Nobody could blame you, of course.  Even progodlegend himself was, at first, deceived.  But one thing seemed strange to him: Pandemic Horde didn’t want TEST to establish a staging system in Oijanen to use for farming Geminate for content.  But why?

Why would Horde, who publicly clamors for gudfites and claims to be seeking content, not want a galactic power to establish a staging system two jumps away from the region they call home?  What could possibly motivate them to push back against TEST?  And why would they continue to fight in highsec, working with IChooseYou and creating popup Azbel markets?  Why doesn’t Horde offer full SRP on all fleets?  Will the Jeff Bezos skinsuits have to be divided in the divorce, or will the Reptilian alien that wears them keep all of them?  Why didn’t Horde deploy its full fleet against the Imperium when the Imperium threatened Northern regional stability?

All of these are incredibly deep questions with no obvious answers.  To find them, you have to be a renegade mind, ready to think outside the box.  Our hero is just such a mind.

Having launched a successful campaign against ICY trade hubs in high sec and having seen the raw levels of financial power controlled by those markets, progodlegend can see the strings that control the galactic economic system.   In a deployment announcement speech, he claimed to be “shocked” at what was discovered when the highsec markets were turned over.  The volume of capital was beyond even Aryth’s dreams of avarice.  Where could this money have gone?  Either ICY has been successfully withholding trillions in profits from Horde; or, and progodlegend is willing to stake an entire deployment on this, Horde has a secret dread supercapital fleet unknown even to its own members.

It makes perfect sense: rather than providing full SRP, increasing its public territorial holdings, reinforcing its home systems, and defending its extremely lucrative highsec profit engine, Horde has been secretly amassing a supercapital fleet which it will use to immanentize the Eschaton and open the Eve gates, merging Eve into the BlackDesertOnline timeline, where Horde has already been secretly gaining power.

Alright, I confess: I made up that last part.  But it sounds really good and I think that Horde should consider it if they haven’t already.

But the rest is true: Progodlegend has announced a deployment, an existential war of attrition against Horde, in search of the multi-trillion ISK war engine that, according to the galaxy brains in TEST, is sure to exist.  Nevermind that if such a fleet existed it would easily wipe away whatever TEST deploys.  Nevermind that the markets are fairly easily interpreted and that the massing of such a fleet would be seen in the mineral markets.  A visionary, a pro god legend, cares not for such negativity.

TEST is going to war, and it will not stop until Horde has completely abandoned its highsec holdings.  With few regional powers ready to defend it, they will have no choice but to surrender their ICY empire entirely, or bridge the supercapital fleet in from Triglavian space, arranged in a secret series of meetings with the CSM with redacted minutes and secured by a signal from the Mittani on the Meta Show from Dec. 30, 2018, which… okay I made that part up too.  Or did I?

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Comments

  • Moomin Amatin

    How Test handle this deployment will be very interesting. If they can make progress then it will be a real indication of their alliance’s ability. If Test fail then they could invite aggression from elsewhere in their home regions.

    January 12, 2019 at 7:23 am
  • Old Man Winters

    I’m curious to see the results!

    Bi-curious!

    *winks*

    Wahahah!

    No Thyme like the Presents!

    January 12, 2019 at 12:41 pm
  • Lrrp

    Good story bro. Sign me up.

    January 12, 2019 at 3:29 pm
  • Trinity99

    I love how you left out the first battle of this deployment where TEST lost ~300B to Panfam from this article and from the other one too.

    January 12, 2019 at 5:19 pm
  • Deni'z von Meanace

    Is that a piece of TAPI’s propaganda set?
    Could you write more about ties between PH and ICY who is continue taking loans on forums and also launched his own loan program.

    January 12, 2019 at 11:16 pm
  • Lugburz

    progod sucks
    test suck
    love how your fueling the narrative that they dont.
    or that their operating alone…
    now if test didnt have goons with them… well lets not kid ourselves; they would have died down south a few months ago.

    January 13, 2019 at 2:16 am
    • Garreth Vlox Lugburz

      And if PL didn’t have the rest of the map with them they wouldn’t have lasted a week down south either so what exactly was the point you were trying to make?

      January 13, 2019 at 2:55 am
      • Lugburz Garreth Vlox

        pl dont really have people with them though do they dear

        February 5, 2019 at 11:30 am
    • Rhivre Lugburz

      What I am getting from this is that you have not read the actual article

      January 13, 2019 at 7:48 am
      • Lugburz Rhivre

        no i read it
        it was bs

        February 5, 2019 at 11:31 am
  • Fartolio

    Omg. Progod. Rofl.

    January 14, 2019 at 11:25 am
  • Mick

    An enormous sum of missing game currency, you say? Massive amounts of income that have been generated by an alliance but not used for SRP or infrastructure?

    What exactly does “RMT” stand for anyway, I’ve never been able to figure it out.

    January 16, 2019 at 2:44 am