Sunday night, we’re sitting in the kitchen sink and waiting for the telephone to ring. It’s been a chilled day after our Saturday rampage and most people are chilling or finding random stuff to bitch about. We’re keeping tabs on some lo-fi hostile Muninn fleets scrabbling around in the dirt but that’s about it.
Then in tweets our birds on the wire with reports of five Guardians of the Galaxy titans tackled somewhere in Deklein by Black Legion, Pandemic Horde, Pandemic Legion and Bombers Bar. Attention span dials up from 1 to 4.
* A whisper, a ping and five minutes later we’re undocking a 250-man Stuka fleet and burning for Deklein. No wormholes today, just the open road and 15 minutes to evaluate what’s going on and formulate our game plan. Everything must die!
* Elsewhere, pings are cracking off with all hostiles streaming for Deklein; it’s double-dealing on Gobloons today, young sailor. Strap on your Palm Leaf Gauntlets, open your Giant Turtle Collecting Case and gather those precious blossoms.
* Northern Coalition are apparently forming a roaming fleet.
* We’re five to go, everyone is excited and asking questions while being told to STFU and get in the right squads. Someone brought a Vedmak but that’s OK, because we’ll need the DPS probably and it is actually part of the doctrine (on weekends, Susan). On grid are five titans and five or six supercarriers under the Dead Coalition flag, tackled by a PH Muninn Fleet, a BL Muninn Fleet, a BB Bomber fleet and a PL Stuka (unregistered) fleet.
* Convos are coming in from blues, reds and all comers. Instructions are sent to reject all.
* One to go and a titan dies (we never knew his name), attention span is dialed up to 5. A coin flips. I convo George Soletters from Darkness and tell him we’re here to shake off those shattered Petals and free them from the Monkey Men.
* Our fleet jumps into system and aligns to JES-432 Pristine White Glaze Belt. The Initiative Fleet Commander Pandoralica is going into a trance while Shines lets off a stream of thunderous laughs over Mumble.
* Warping onto grid we’re about to face 350-400 hostiles and a gaggle of titans squirting BFGs into the air like a fucked-up oil rig. We land, we anchor, we can smell the fear – which Muninn fleet will die first. This is going to be a crazy fight but we’re ready. MJDs spool. We’re into the maw and shit’s about to get real.
* Then everyone warps off.
Turns out no-one wanted to actually fight for three more titan and three more Nyx kills. They just wanted some free upskirts on the zKill counter. Lame.
* Yet we still have work to do. Launchers fire, bombs on scatter pattern and bubbles burst physically and metaphorically. Lifebuoys are thrown to the drowning men.
You see we’re not here to kill those titans, we’re here to save them – if we must kill titans then we must save them too.
* Hostile shitnaks are still in local. A swarm of blues is gabbling around and tackling the remaining titan; what are they doing here? Who sent them? Why are they helping Panfam? We feel disgust.
* There’s still bubbles everywhere and bothersome blurbs left and right. We launch more bombs, because who shall we choose for our morality?
* Dead Coalition titans and remaining supers jump out. Everyone is confused. And we’re out.
Now you’re probably thinking how many more faction Forts were agreed at Eve Vegas. Truth be told there is no satisfaction in killing some titans already tackled by a bunch of circlejerking shitlords, at least not today. Plus, even though we have no particular love for GOTG, it’s sad to see their allies turning on them for their collective failures. And anyway, now we have a Sunday where NC lost more titans than GOTG. Plus, we have a new diplo team, and what better way to set them free into the wild?
“Maybe we are the real Guardians of the Galaxy” – Pandoralica
“I never thought INIT. would do this to us” – Dabigredboat
“It’s fucking pandofaggot” – Elo Knight
“Where is the instruction manual for this MJD unit?” – PL FC
Don’t believe what you hear
Don’t believe what you see
If you just close your eyes
You can feel the enemy