Special thanks to Icarius of The Wings Of Maak for bringing this remarkable situation to our attention. Without your diligence we at the ALOD desk would never have discovered these killmails, and our lives would have been incomplete.
Welcome back, dear reader, to the ALOD desk. Any veteran Eve player is familiar with the Credit Card Warrior, the new guy who plays Eve for a few weeks and then discovers that buying PLEX is the road to limitless wealth. From there it’s a short leap to believing limitless wealth can buy PvP victory, and then the officer modules come out. Most of these luminaries fit up a blingy space chariot or two, and then find out that purple does not mean win and bigger is not always better in a hurry. Then they either rage quit or learn.
Unfortunately, with few new players coming to Eve and ever better education on the game available these magnificent beasts seem to be all but extinct. The last ALOD I wrote met with a bit of criticism in the comments for being lackluster in terms of both value and fit failure. I replied the only way that I could due to the rarity of the truly magical fits from days gone by,
Such wonders are so rare in these terrible times, I begin to wonder if all they ever were was a dream from another age. I hope one day the ALOD gods will bless us again with such miracles as the mining titan and the 250mm officer railgun Megathron, but in the darkest hours of the night I fear such things have gone from the world forever.
Little did I know that salvation was at hand. Hearing my pleas, the gods didn’t just send a credit card warrior. They sent a Credit Card Warlord, a mighty colossus to rule over everyone who had ever dared to PLEX for purple and hit undock. Refresh your drinks ladies and gentlemen, it took a pagebreak to do justice to this one.
Arriving in Eve on the 5th of August Dagbog Fokin presumably spent the next week training skills learning… things. I can’t speculate exactly what those things were, but presumably they were about spaceships. Maybe he availed himself to a few of the opportunities tutorials. Maybe he just fit stuff and flew what worked. Regardless, he didn’t read any fitting guides because on the 8th he sold at least one PLEX and undocked in this.
Perhaps the loss of his ship and pod gave Dagbog pause so he took few days off to not learn more about how to Eve and then set out for lowsec in a Cynabal to seek his destiny once more. That destiny came in the form of a single Laserhawks blaster Moa, which presumably dispatched Dagbog with ease.
What a fit it was. He had a rig this time, if only one. The triple tank was still bad, but the real winner was the micro-auxiliary power core in one of the lows. Couple that with the jammer in one of the mids and this thing becomes kind of amazing. Still, for a brand new player this wasn’t bad. Good thing for the ALOD that it came with a 326m pod!
To be entirely honest we here at the ALOD desk salute Dagbog for undocking and looking for a fight so early in his career. If there were more players like him, willing to risk their ships and blessed with such a spirit of adventure, Eve would be a far more entertaining game. Had he taken a deep breath here, read some fitting guides, maybe joined Eve University or some comparable organization and directed his powers toward good, we would be congratulating him on having enviable cajones as it were. But he didn’t do those things. No, he just decided to throw more money at the problem.
And when that didn’t get the job done he really went all out, or so it must have seemed at the time. The pod lost with this second Navy Drake also marks the beginning of his odd obsession with Ascendency implants…
The next loss, a Navy Slicer, almost derailed his career. It wasn’t a terrible fit. It had three rigs. The weapons matched the hull. The prop mod was appropriate. The pod was empty. It was expensive, and dual tanked, but besides that it looked like he might be learning! But then, almost as if he wanted to apologize for his brush with sanity, he undocked this interestingly fit Rattlesnake and promptly lost it to Concord.
Undeterred by the loss he used the next hour and a half to slap some storyline medium blasters on a Megathron, plug 640m of random implants into his pod, and head back out. He promptly died to a single Vexor Navy Issue.
Half an hour later he got revenge on that VNI, getting on the killmail with his half fit Jammercane. Unfortunately said jammercane exploded a minute later due to being fit with no tank; it had an A-type shield boost amplifier without actually fitting a shield booster. And of course the inevitable storyline guns; the discerning gentlemen would never undock without those.
Finally he rounded out an undeniably busy evening by fitting up a medium auto cannon Machariel, notable for its small armor repairer and ECM burst which presumably could be perma-run due to all the capacitor batteries, and then exploding in highsec when caught by a Typhoon fleet issue flown by an opposing militia member. This time around his pod didn’t even break 300m.
Perhaps exhausted from his heroic exertions he then logged out and lost nothing further until the 12th. However, again, he apparently reacted to his previous setbacks by doubling down on the “thrown money at it” plan because he lead out with a 2.12b Scorpion Navy Issue graced with his first actual officer module! He also got the pod to almost a billion on its own, apparently trying to make his battleship warp faster?
From there the rest of the 12th was downhill. Next he lost a Navy Scorp, this time with a remote armor rep.
Finally, apparently trying to use speed since size was unhelpful, he fit up a Daredevil and headed out again. He promptly died to a solo Thrasher. On a promising note this daredevil is the first ship he ever fit that had a web on it; no point has been seen at the time of publication. On a less promising note he still didn’t fill all his low slots, and for some reason he mixed crystal, slave, and launcher fitting implants on the pod.
TMC managed to contact Dagbog about his losses, albeit via Google Translate because he is a Russian speaker. Working through a fairly high language barrier, the author managed to confirm that he was using PLEX to fund his adventures(note that due to Google Translate the quotes below are horrible English; they are not evidence that Dagbog cannot write well).
At this point the author advised Dagbog that he might want to read some fitting guides, or perhaps join a new player oriented corporation. He responded by asking, “you know a lot about fitting ships?” When the author responded that he knew a bit after six years of play Dagbog then asked, “You send prompt as better to get away from the stasis field generator?”
When told that the best way to do that was to kill the ship putting the generator on him Dagbog ceased to communicate further after linking some sensor dampers in chat. Given how rough a translation Google Translate provides it is questionable if he simply gave up, or decided to go read a guide in Russian instead of wasting his time trying to make sense of near gibberish. Regardless, he shall be renowned forever for his accomplishments. His efforts shame others who try to PLEX their way to victory. For sheer persistence alone he should be elevated to a legend that Brave Newbies tells their newbros when the FC gets stoned enough. At the time of writing he has lost over 13b Isk in two months; let his glory ring out across a thousand watchlists!