ALOD: GO BACK TO WOW

2014-03-04

Editors Note: This was originally written for TheMittani.com by Angry Mustache

Ever since the dawn of time (around 2003), EVE players have had a definite superiority complex over players of other MMOs, especially World of Warcraft. After all, EVE and WoW are polar opposites in every possible regard. The big sandbox versus the big theme park, the hardcore space sim versus the casual fantasy quest, the worst-in-industry tutorials versus the easiest MMO to learn and play. Night and day, fire and ice.

EVE players stereotype WoW players as risk averse, PvP shy, and extremely focused up on “gearing up their ship”. Whenever an officer fitted mission ship goes down, the first comments are inevitably some variant of “Nice purpz”, or “Epic fit” or “Go back to WoW”. That was no different for this Raven Navy issue.

TMC has done so many officer fit mission ship ALOD’s that analyzing them has become routine. Instead of wasting words on an analysis, here’s the ALOD bingo and the EFT screenshot.

Sometimes, we see just how painfully correct stereotypes can be

TMC > hello!
Jimblidge > hello
TMC > Jimblidge? I’m a reporter from http://themittani.com/
TMC > a news website for EVE online
TMC > and we found your recent lossmail https://zkillboard.com/detail/37258120/
TMC > are you willing to chat a bit about it?
Jimblidge > yes, what are you doing here?
TMC > I’m a reporter
TMC > I write about things that happen in EVE online
TMC > and well, this was “a thing”
TMC > you are a relatively new character, losing an extremely expensive ship
TMC > our curiosity kicked in
Jimblidge > What kind of curiosity?
TMC > well, what were you thinking?
TMC > were you aware of the mechanics behind a suicide ganking
TMC > normally, new players don’t have 1/100th of the isk needed to make your raven fit
TMC > were you confused by any of what happened? if so, I can explain
Jimblidge > I have np I buy plexes, I’m a lawyer and I’m 40 years old, so, I can make another one, but….if I loose my patience, I have the possibility to find, in real life, the guys that are creating me trouble, so I can create them different troubles, this is my promise
TMC > was there a reason to fit the ship so expensively?
Jimblidge > I’ve fitted my ship so, because I liked so, nobody can take me this pleasure, or…………….
TMC > or what?
Jimblidge > or I’ll find them.
TMC > well, I mean, EVE is an anonymous game
TMC > the only people who can be tracked down with a real life identity are members of the Council of Stellar Management
Jimblidge > -)))) not for me. I’m a lawyer, and I have many resources.
TMC > well I’ll take you up on that. But “doxxing”, or going after people in the real world for EVE-injuries, is very frowned upon by the community
TMC > in EVE’s EULA, it forbids you from taking real life actions for actions conducted in-game
TMC > doing so results in a permanent ban of all accounts and characters
Jimblidge > It’s your imagination, i’ve told nothing exactly.
TMC > well that actually puts me in a bind, because the article I want to publish
TMC > well I can leave out the part where you say you want to go after people IRL
TMC > because if that gets published, your character will be harassed by everyone in EVE
Jimblidge > me? Not the gankers that wait for quiet players? My wife is a journalist, a good, professional journalist, not you.
TMC > so, you are saying, the community should be more displeased with gankers than with you
Jimblidge > Don’t you think so?
TMC > well, honestly, no
Jimblidge > Are you justifying their actions?
TMC > EVE online is a game with a unique culture
Jimblidge > Misculture.
TMC > in EVE, it’s socially acceptable for people to “gank” ships that are poorly or too expensively fit
TMC > the community sees it as another form of income
Jimblidge > This is only envy.
TMC > whether you disagree with it or not, it’s the culture of the game
TMC > well [gankers] profit from ganking
TMC > In your case, they used a billion isk in ships, and picked up 17 billion in loot
TMC > may I ask, did you play MMO’s before EVE online? And if so which one?
Jimblidge > I come from WOW, that is a well-balanced game, not this.
Jimblidge > In WOW I choose my enemy, here no.
TMC > Well, EVE players have stereotypes about players that come to EVE from WOW
TMC > the stereotype is that they focus on getting the best possible equipment, without spending time to learn all the game mechanics.
TMC > Losing modules after death in EVE generally makes getting the “best” modules not very efficient, and players focus on getting the most bang for their buck
Jimblidge > Maybe you haven’t understood something. I have a job, I’m here to enjoy me, I have not much time, so I buy what I like, if you are envy, or other, it’s not my problem.
TMC > I am not envious
TMC > well, kind of, seeing as I am a college student
Jimblidge > I’m speaking in general way.
TMC > well, are you going to continue doing what you have been doing? Using expensive ships.
Jimblidge > I’ve made the same ship as before. Last time, then i’ll come back to WOW, where I can find people a bit more intelligence.
TMC > well i’m sorry to hear that you’ll be leaving EVE
Jimblidge > I’m a criminal lawyer, I see violence every day, I must be crazy, if I enjoy me in a game where violence against other humans, is the right.
Jimblidge > When CCP make a rule to engage, in which I can choose if fight or not, i’ll come back.
TMC > At its heart, EVE is a game about competing with other players
TMC > and this is its most famous reputation
TMC > why did you choose to pick up EVE despite its reputation?
Jimblidge > I didn’t know how it was.
TMC > understood
TMC > well, I wish you enjoy what time you have left in EVE
TMC > and have fun in a game that suits you better
Jimblidge > I like correct persons, as I am.
Jimblidge > As you are, I hope.
TMC > I hope so too
TMC > have a good day sir
Jimblidge > thanks, you too.

Jimblidge came into EVE from WoW with blissfully little knowledge that he had stepped out of the kiddie pool and jumped into a tank full of sharks with no life vest. He immediately spent the equivalent of $1300 on PLEX to buy himself the best possible mission ship and the best possible equipment. Inevitably, he was ganked, and blamed EVE in all the ways that people could have hoped for.

He even changed his bio to reflect his philosophy.

IF YOU WANT TO SHOOT ME, DO IT. I’LL DEFEND ME, BUT MY PHILOSOPHY IS A BIT DIFFERENT.
I LIKE: HUMAN INTELLIGENCE VS AI
I HATE: HUMAN VS HUMAN.
THE ARE TOO MUCH VIOLENCE IN THE REAL LIFE JET, TO LOOK FOR IT IN A GAME TOO. IT’S ONLY A GAME AND A GAME MUST BE REMAIN.
MAYBE YOU AR THINKING THAT I’M A DREAMER, MAYBE YES, BUT I CAN’T FIND ENJOY IN A DEATH, ALTHOUGH IT IS A GAME DEATH, BEHIND A KEYBOARD THERE IS EVER A MAN OR WOMAN.
THIS IS MY THOUGHT, NEXT DECISION IS YOURS.

BYE

That was that. A WoW player jumped head first into EVE and came away with a bloody nose. Unwilling to adapt, the WoW player slinked back into the warm embraces of the theme park. Or that’s what would have happened had a Goonswarm recruitment officer not noticed his plight.

 

GSF Recruiter > Hey there
GSF Recruiter > I am a Recruitment Director for the top corp in the game right now, and wanted to talk to you because my corp has a pve group that 100% reimburses losses up to 10billion and 75% up to 20b. I can talk to you about joining and possibly get you at least 10
Jimblidge > Np, I’ve begun to look for my killers, worldwide, in the real life, so, sorry for all them.
GSF Recruiter > Well we can help you.
Jimblidge > how?
GSF Recruiter > Well I can get you reimbursed for your loss if you join, and we also have a lot of resources otherwise
GSF Recruiter > I agree pve is the best thing in this game.
Jimblidge > I come from WOW, this game is too incorrect.
GSF Recruiter > I come from WoW as well.
Jimblidge > what do you think about eve?
GSF Recruiter > Pve is ok. I play with a bunch of wow people I found
Jimblidge > but…too many pirates.
GSF Recruiter > Yes way too many. That is why I am with my corp. We reimburse all losses
Jimblidge > but my loose was a bit…expensive.
GSF Recruiter > that is fine. We reimburse 75% up to 20b. And I can work with you since it is higher.
GSF Recruiter > You there friend?
Jimblidge > i’m making my new ship, as the one i’ve loose.
GSF Recruiter > How are you funding your character?
Jimblidge > ?
GSF Recruiter > Do you buy plex?
Jimblidge > yes.
Jimblidge > Do you want me in your guild? corp, sorry
GSF Recruiter > Yes. We have a pve group that is awesome
Jimblidge > Can you answer to a question, before?
GSF Recruiter > Sure, I am here to help
Jimblidge > Can you explain me why, after my trouble, all invite me in their corps?
GSF Recruiter > I do not know. I just have been in your situation and you seem like a cool guy
Jimblidge > I’m a quiet guy, simply.
GSF Recruiter > That is ok.
Jimblidge > But someone, today, told me this is the philosophy of this game, if it’s so, it’s not my game.
Jimblidge > My losses was a big news today, I see. -))
GSF Recruiter > First I need to make sure you can be in corp
GSF Recruiter > We are very secure to protect our pilots
GSF Recruiter > I have locator agents running on your killers
Jimblidge > right
GSF Recruiter > Don’t leave Jita!
Jimblidge > why?
GSF Recruiter > They are planning to kill you again
GSF Recruiter > I told you I am helping you and trying to find and get them
GSF Recruiter > I have vast resources at my disposal
Jimblidge > who are planning this?
GSF Recruiter > The people who killed you
GSF Recruiter > We are tracking them on a neutral
Jimblidge > now i’m docked.
GSF Recruiter > Because we both play wow I care.
GSF Recruiter > Ok stay docked for now
Jimblidge > Now i’m in dock. And i’m thinking to come back to WOW. Other world, other people.
GSF Recruiter > Yes, we could play wow and eve together?
Jimblidge > I have a lvl 95 rogue, dk, priest, paladin, hunter, no arena no, it’s the same discussion as before, I don’t like to fight against other people.
GSF Recruiter > Ok, I am setting up a safe way to get you out of Jita to us.
Jimblidge > but, why your corp has decided to protect me?
GSF Recruiter > You are a fellow wow friend
Jimblidge > your friend are looking for my killers?
GSF Recruiter > Ok I have our mapping program running. You are 6 points out from Jita.
GSF Recruiter > And yes I have locators running on your killers and we are finding them.
GSF Recruiter > I am setting up a private jump bridge to a transporter for you. So you do not get killed.
Jimblidge > Why do you have a negative standing?
GSF Recruiter > This character is for lowsec pve
GSF Recruiter > You have to defend yourself but make more isk
GSF Recruiter > Ok we have the transport secure and ready. The guy is ready to move it but the killers are watching. We have to station trade it to trick them
GSF Recruiter > It’s only safe for a couple minutes though, we have to be fast so it’s safe.
Jimblidge > tell me
GSF Recruiter > Ok we got them baited, are you ready in station? My neutral officer has trade open to you.
Jimblidge > what must I do?
GSF Recruiter > Trade the raven to transport it real quick while it is safe. Then we will jump you out.
Jimblidge > and I where I must go, in ship?
GSF Recruiter > We will podjump you with jbridge
GSF Recruiter > Hurry, the transport is safe now but vulnerable
GSF Recruiter > Trade [REDACTED] the RNI so we can move it safely.
Jimblidge > but I where I must go?
GSF Recruiter > In station for a couple minutes
GSF Recruiter > Then we will podjump you north of Jita.
Jimblidge > how can I leave the ship?
GSF Recruiter > right click, leave ship
Jimblidge > Are you tricking me?
GSF Recruiter > No this is serious
Jimblidge > friend, have you swiped my ship?
GSF Recruiter > No sir
GSF Recruiter > Oh you moved everything you had, I thought you would just be moving the ship.
GSF Recruiter > Why bring the plex?
Jimblidge > I had with me in my cargo. Why?
GSF Recruiter > Just wondering
GSF Recruiter > What did you mean when you were searching in real life for the people?
GSF Recruiter > [ 2014.03.04 20:01:38 ] Jimblidge > Np, I’ve begun to look for my killers, worldwide, in the real life, so, sorry for all them.
Jimblidge > Nothing at last, I was anger, but tomorrow, I know, I’ve forgotten all, I have most important thing to thinking on.
GSF Recruiter > Most important thing?
Jimblidge > my job, my family, my child, are not most important?
GSF Recruiter > Oh yes of course they are.
Jimblidge > I want you to know that if you have cheated me, my life in eve ends here, but it’s not a problem. FATTI NON FUMMO PER VIVER COME BRUTI, MA PER SEGUIR VIRTUTE E CONOSCENZA. DANTE. [Ye were not made to live like unto brutes, But for pursuit of virtue and of knowledge.] GSF Recruiter > Why are you being hostile ?
Jimblidge > No, sorry, but today was a bad day, you know.
GSF Recruiter > Why did you put so much money into Eve if you just started?
Jimblidge > I have not too much time to spend in.
Recruitment Director > Was there something you needed to do with your ships, though? You mentioned it
Jimblidge > Ok, i’ll stay alone. I’m in a corp, but they have not asked me something. But it’s not a problem, I’ve written my program before.
GSF Recruiter > As I said, we will let you cool off since I know you were frustrated from earlier. Everything will be good tomorrow.
GSF Recruiter > Enjoy some time with your family
Jimblidge > I want back my ship, if I haven’t it i’ll make a ticket to ccp. It’s ok?
GSF Recruiter > A ticket?
Jimblidge > yes
GSF Recruiter > For what? I told you I am moving it for you…
Jimblidge > Yes and where is it?
GSF Recruiter > In transport in space
Jimblidge > when do you think to give me back it?
Recruitment Director > As soon as it arrives. It takes time to move things quietly with CONCORD police and other hostiles.
GSF Recruiter > Exactly, This is a finesse game Jim
GSF Recruiter > I am doing things very carefully, may take a couple hours.
GSF Recruiter > Usually people have to pay for transport and fuel…
Jimblidge > i’ve given you my trust, but, cause my job, i’ve saved all the conversation, sorry but it’s a routine for me.
Jimblidge > If I must pay, i’ll pay.
GSF Recruiter > Ok, and the fuel is just a minor 500m for something this size.
Jimblidge > I must give the isk to you, or…tell me.
GSF Recruiter > To me, just for accounting logs
Jimblidge > ok, how much and tell me how, I have no experience, although you think different.
GSF Recruiter > I told you 500m and to me.
Jimblidge > done
GSF Recruiter > Ok now the Director will handle the paperwork and you will be good to go in the morning
Recruitment Director > I’ll ensure your ship arrives safely without any issues.

The two scammers were able to make off with some 60 billion isk worth of assets, mostly in officer mods.

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